POETRY: Sven Kivisildnik

The Kalevipoeg Club (Kalevipoja klubi)
_c__jüri_j_dubov__13_supermedium
(c) Jüri J Dubov
Translated by Hasso Krull and Brandon Lussier

The Traks Grill stands behind the Luua Manor
near the Kalevipoeg Club.

It came to a man in a dream
that as the moon waned
on the first Thursday night
he should go to the Traks Grill
straight up to the bar
which still stands there today.

He should dig on the south side
under the bar near the cash register
until he comes across a sewage pipe,
then roll the pipe aside
to reveal a kettle filled with coins,
and if he doesn’t fear
what he will see there,
if he maintains his composure,
the wealth will be his.

It is said that the man went and dug
until he came to the pipes,
he rolled them aside,
and there he saw the kettle of coins.

As he began to hoist it from the pit
glamorous television hosts
swept up from underneath
in a cloud of dust and shards
all hissing horribly,
meaning to attack.

He flailed at them,
many fell dead
but more flew to replace them.
Fear overcame the man,
his body was wracked by tremors.

Finally he lept from the pit,
but on the edge stood
a large black Eurovision singer
snarling fearfully
and gnashing his teeth,
meaning to attack.

The man struck the singer
on the head with his spade
and ran all the way home
as fast as he could.

As for the coins, they were left
behind and remain there to this day,
but they can only be taken one day a year
on the Day of the Holocaust.




The producer’s email to Väinämöinen (Saa nüüd aru Väinämöinen)
Translated by Hasso Krull and Brandon Lussier

Do you understand now Väinämöinen
Your performance is truly splendid
You are the master of song and
This is doubted by no one
Do you get the picture Väinämöinen

Do you understand now Väinämöinen
We want you to appear
In our popular show with
A number of other reknowned singers
Do you get the picture Väinämöinen

Do you understand now Väinämöinen
We reviewed your demo we watched
Your live video and we were dazzled
That is not what we are selling now
Do you get the picture Väinämöinen

Do you understand now Väinämöinen
We provide people with entertainment
We fill their free time with stars
But you will sing your rivals under the ground
Do you get the picture Väinämöinen

Do you understand now Väinämöinen
It was written in your CV that your rivals
Sink into the ground while listening to you
But we assumed it was just a special effect
Do you get the picture Väinämöinen

Do you understand now Väinämöinen
You look good on magazine covers
Your hair stands on end your eyes burn
And your jacket flaps open invitingly
Do you get the picture Väinämöinen

Do you understand now Väinämöinen
Here we present big stadium bands
They have contracts with huge enterprises
And they earn tens of millions
Do you get the picture Väinämöinen

Do you understand now Väinämöinen
It would be too much if you buried alive two or three
Boy bands or a couple of half naked babes
So that the damage was irrevocable
Do you get the picture Väinämöinen

Do you understand now Väinämöinen
You cannot possibly imagine the sums of money
That the insurance companies have been paid
But here we are responsible for security
Do you get the picture Väinämöinen

Do you understand now Väinämöinen
If you start singing the police, press, and
Insurance agencies will lynch us
And the sponsors will desert us immediately
Do you get the picture Väinämöinen

Do you understand now Väinämöinen
You should not misinterpret us
We are all for cooperation
But we must find another solution
Do you get the picture Väinämöinen

Do you understand now Väinämöinen
If you simply cannot sing in another way, OK
We will find you some film roles
Or a modeling contract--you look very sexy
Do you get the picture Väinämöinen

Do you understand now Väinämöinen
You just cannot bury singers in the top 100
But because you have many fans we
Will send you another contract next week
Do you get the picture Väinämöinen


* Väinämöinen is the central cultural hero in Kalevala, the Finnish national epic.His beautiful singing can turn hats into clouds, belts into stars, dogs into rocks, and can be used as a weapon to destroy his envious competitors by burying them.







© University of Wales, Aberystwyth 2002-2009       home  |  e-mail us  |  back to top
site by CHL